Have you experienced growing pains lately? No, seriously, have you!? Did you know you can experience growing pains as an adult?

Okay, time to clarify! I’m not talking about the physical growing pains children sometimes feel as they sprout up a few more inches. I’m talking about the growing pains of life experiences. Those moments you sometimes wish you could turn back and redo because while standing in those moments, you think everything is crumbling or you’re a failure at what you do. Those are the moments I’m focusing on now.

See, this whole thing of writing books, speaking in front of people, and having to market myself is scary! I’ve done this now for two years, but every single step forward has been a new step taken. The dream of just writing the book and watching it sell indeed is a fairy tale!

I can’t just write the book. I have to actually step waaaay out of my comfort zone. I do not like to speak in front of groups. I get VERY nervous when I have to do so. My hands shake the entire time the spotlight is on me. It’s not just the speaking, though, that is scary for me. I have to market, not just my books, but myself as well. Let’s face it, selling my books is selling who I am as an individual.

So, I have to put my big girl pants on and venture out to bookstores, toy stores, or any place that I think might want to carry my books. I’ve been successful in getting my books in a few places. I do everything I think I’m supposed to do and try very hard to hold up my end of the business relationship.

And then….BOOM! Something happens that makes me question what I’m doing and if I’m strong enough to do it. I’m a woman, after all, and I do have some crazy emotions come up in situations, but that’s beside the point! On the spot, I have to figure out how to get past the shock I’m experiencing inwardly. I have to figure out how to take a deep breath without showing it and make an executive decision for myself and my product. In so doing, I have a few times given in to what the situation has become, smiled, and walked away with the book inventory in hand. I may scream and cry in the safety of my car on the way home, sorry, passersby for the scene in the car, but at some point my head clears and I get it together because I realize what just happened was  growth presented by my awesome Creator.

I would not be on this journey without Him. I’ve felt Him beside me, knew He was in front leading me, and I’ve seen Him in others along the way. While I may feel like a speck of a peon in a massive ocean of fish, He takes the time to show me He indeed is with me and I am ever so thankful!

I would like for there not to be more growing pains on this journey, but I know to want that is to not want the fullness of my Creator and I’m rather curious what exactly He has planned for me!